before i start n mumble, let us all say goodbye to the month of being broke, MARCH, which is also the month i'll always lovvve..we'll meet again in 2011..if god wills it. and i just had 2 long, rough weeks, that felt shorter than ever. i'll remember what happened from 14/3/2010 till 28/3/2010 forever, fresh, trapped in my memory..cuz those days were all so sweet and so painful at the same time, i wish i could wash them all off my mind, but at the same damn time, i would not cuz i dont want to. well, allah knows best right? so yes, these are the two weeks of my lifetime..that i wont ever trade for anything else. so to wrap up the story on those 2 treasured weeks, i will have to say, i love you, people (u know who u are) and thank you allah, for loving me.
now let's move on. Bon jovi said, "it's my life!" and alice said, "it's my dream"..i better dont take those words for granted. cuz yes, it's my life now, i need no one to tell me what i should do, if you already have, well, get your butts off my life now, im moving on, and im gonna take my stand till the end now..dare stop me? and yes, i'll do it my way. so stop reminding me if i break a rule, cuz it's my life remember? and in my life, there's nothing but MY RULES. and if you've had it with me, that's ok, cuz allah is always there watching over me, and mak's always got my back. i know im pretty much hopeless n helpless now, i know, but if im not strong enough to get through, im not a daughter of hjh.rahmah, my beloved. so hell yes im strong, and if people are getting tired of seeing me standing back up after each breakdown, well, that's fine now, cuz i know, he's already proud of me, even though i haven't got the chance to make anyone happy yet, he's proud of me already, cuz to him, im the strongest girl he knows, and to him, im already a supergirl. what else do i need?
and as i mumble on, you should have noticed my intentions here. if i ever spill out anything to you, well, it's not cuz i want you to know clearly of what im going through, so dont label me as the problem-head. cuz what i did was bcuz i needed someone to listen to what i had to say cuz keeping them to myself is unbearable. that's my only reason, not that i need u to solve my problems. no. please, dont get me wrong. labeling me as miss problem-head hurt me. i dont want to be called that. once in a while, everybody needs somebody to talk to, problems maybe cant be solved, but things get less painful, and the burden gets a bit lighter.
wan, i know, distance on earth may separate us..but you know, no matter how far, you'll always be so close to me, and you know, i'll be very close to you too. i love you. but today, like it or not, want it or not, bear it or not, half of me has gone.
besties, im sorry for everything. and thank you. i know you dont get what i mean from this post, that's ok, even my teacher had said, i always dont talk straight to my point, it's cuz i think you'd understand if you just listen harder, i just thought, you'd get what i mean if you really want to, if your heart wants to..if you sincerely do. so if you got lost in thoughts to come to my point, im sorry, maybe you dont really wanna know. so it's ok..no worries.
i can wear this smile forever. but i never want to wear it forever, who does? i want a real smile, well maybe one day, i'll get my smile back. i never thought wearing a broken smile feels like holding a broken glass. it is. but who knows, in this long run, allah has something better waiting for me at the finish line.
mazreen, syafiqa, i love you, with all the love in my heart (that's a lot you know).
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooaaaahhhhhh.
with love,
s.
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